There are some days where all you want to do is cry. Today is one of those days for me. I don’t know why I’m crying, to be honest, all I know is that I’m not particularly happy and that it’s working as some form of therapy for me at the moment.
I know there must be a reason behind it – there’s always a reason – but a part of me is scared that, that reason is more than I’d like it to be. I figure it’s probably something to do with the depression and anxiety I’m feeling at the moment and that they’re possibly making my emotions more erratic than usual. I’m an emotional person as it is but constantly crying is a little more worrying than the odd down day.
I mentioned not so long ago that I was going on a first date with someone. It went well. But we’ve not really spoken since then. He’s not got in contact and it’s kind of been a put down. He was such a nice guy and we got on well but perhaps I saw things differently to what he did. I’m not saying that this is the only thing that’s upsetting me, but I’m sure it’s probably a contributing factor.
I don’t like to feel alone and right now I feel more alone than I have done in a long time.
On top of that, I’m beginning to panic about Uni work and, particularly, my Dissertation. I have so much on at the moment and not enough hours in the day to do them. I’m struggling to fit in time to edit my Dissertation and it isn’t helping that I’m constantly getting angry when I think about the feedback my tutor gave me for my first draft. She doesn’t agree with my opinion and view of the plays I’ve chosen to analyse (Shakespeare) and wants me to talk about them in her opinion, which I don’t 100% agree with. I refuse to write something that I do not agree with, especially when I have research that backs up my own argument. I respect her opinion, and I expect her to respect mine in response. I worry that if I don’t write what she wants me to write then it will affect my grade, as she will be my first marker. She basically said that if I can come up with a strong enough argument then she would ‘humour’ my opinion. That has offended me strongly.
There is no right and wrong answer when it comes to Shakespeare. Yes, it would be wrong to say that Romeo is a woman, etc. but when it comes down to ones own interpretation and opinion of the play there is no wrong answer. Different people will view the play in their own way. A director may view the play one way but the critic might question their interpretation because they view it different, much like someone reading a play for the first time will have their own opinion compared to someone who has read it hundreds of times and knows the play like the back of their hand. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and I refuse to have mine taken away from me.
I’ve kind of gone off on a tangent now and feel I ought to pull myself back to where I began. I guess it’s just one of those days that aren’t going quite as planned; for every bad day there is a good day coming soon.