2014

Firstly…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you entered the New Year with style, and if you didn’t then it doesn’t matter – I didn’t!

In some ways, I’m happy that 2013 is over. A lot happened last year; some things good, others not so  good. But, to sum up how I felt for the majority of last year, I just felt lost. I’d begun to doubt myself as a person and let far too much get to me on an emotional level. I let little things pull me down and neglected to see the good side of things. Not only did I doubt myself, I also doubted those around me which really affected my relationship with many people.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and let it take over my life. Everything about my life was grey and cloudy. Not only that I was, quite frankly, a dick to so many people last year and I don’t blame anyone for wanting to keep their distance from me. I was – I still am to some extent – a complete shell and wreck of a person and I take my frustrations out on others that are only trying to help.

2013 is also the year that my relationship with my boyfriend began to weaken and then eventually broke down. The stress and commitment of both University and a relationship was just too much for us to handle. Part of that stress and worry probably contributed to my depression and anxiety issues. If things had been different, I wouldn’t have wanted things to end – I still wish they hadn’t – but in hind sight this split will probably be somewhat good for me in the long run.

As much as I loved being in a relationship (perhaps more the thought of being in a relationship, looking back) was that I felt wanted and needed and, more importantly, loved. There have been so many thoughts, worries and fears  going around in my head about being alone and being unloved. I hate the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. I need to snap out of this mind frame and be a little more optimistic.

Despite the bad times, I can’t deny that there have been good points too. It’s just unfortunate that the bad times seem to stick out more than the good. Well, that’s something I hope can change this New Year. 2013 is gone and locked away, never to be seen again. 2014 is a fresh start (no matter how cliché and cheesy it sounds!)

I don’t make resolutions at New Year because I never keep them, but this year all I want is to take each day as it comes and always try and find the positive side to everything I do. This year is going to be one of the busiest, stressful and most emotional years of my life thus far but it’s sure to be one of my best and most memorable years too.

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

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